


Brothers vs Bros vs Bro

by AOrange, Lyraeon



Series: Fruity Rumpus Afterlife Road Trip [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fruity Rumpus Afterlife Road Trip, Gen, Human Bros, Meteorstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 03:13:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/806536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AOrange/pseuds/AOrange, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyraeon/pseuds/Lyraeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat still can't wrap his head around the subtle nuances of Human English. What's the difference between brother, bro, and Bro, and should he even care?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brothers vs Bros vs Bro

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: HEY SHITSTAIN.   
TG: what now    
CG: WHY AREN'T YOU IN THE COMMON ROOM? YOUR CLOCK SAYS AWAKE.   
TG: im awake  
TG: has anyone ever told you thats exactly the thing you say to someone to make sure they wake up in a good mood   
CG: WHATEVER. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?   
TG: can town    
CG: WELL DRAG YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN ASS TO THE COMMON ROOM.   
TG: was that just a shitty choice of words  
TG: or did you mean to call my ass pathetic   
CG: WHAT? JUST GET HERE OKAY.   
TG: is something on fire    
CG: NO.   
TG: are you facing imminent death    
CG: NOT RIGHT NOW.   
TG: then you haul your pathetic troll ass to can town  
TG: tz is setting up for a monster attack  
TG: itll be the best yet   
CG: STRIDER, IF YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN ASS ISN'T IN THE COMMON ROOM IN FIVE MINUTES I SWEAR I WILL DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR RECUPERACOON BY THE HAIR AND THROW YOU OFF THIS PIECE OF SHIT MYSELF.   
TG: what 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

You roll your eyes and toss your iPhone onto the floor beside you. Whatever Karkat wants it can't be that important, he's always crapping on about some bs you can't really be bothered caring about. If the common room had been on fire? Sure, you would've gone. If he'd pestered you about Gamzee? Probably not, because knowing your luck the universe would count it as a heroic death if the clown got you, and you don't like the idea of staying dead. 

And suddenly Terezi's looking at you, with that vague stare. It's almost something like concern, but you're fairly sure the concern isn't for your well being. It's for the fact that you've stopped, mid-build, with a can still in your hand. She reaches over and takes it from you, placing it at the base of what will soon become the new industrial park. You can never have too much industry, she'd said earlier. 

TEREZI: DO 1 H4V3 TO DO 3V3RYTH1NG MYS3LF?   
DAVE: sorry  
DAVE: got distracted  
DAVE: whats going there   
TEREZI: SL4UGHT3RHOUS3 >:]   
DAVE: yeah im not surprised by that at all   
TEREZI: H3H3   
DAVE: you be alright here for a while   
TEREZI: Y34H WHY?   
DAVE: karkats shitting himself about something  
DAVE: threatened to hurl me into space  
DAVE: should only be ten minutes   
TEREZI: J3GUS D4VE  
TEREZI: H3 C4N LOOK 4FT3R H1MS3LF  
TEREZI: W3 4R3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF CONSTRUCT1ON H3R3   
DAVE: ten minutes tz  
DAVE: ill be back before the inaugural slaughter of hoofbeasts   
TEREZI: HOOFB34STS, R34LLY?

You give her a grin and push yourself up from the floor. You're not planning on being long with Karkat. Hop over to the common room, deal with his shit, then transportalize back before Terezi even has the chance to really notice you're gone. You bend over to pick up your phone - there's no way you're wandering the halls without it - and before you can push her away, she's licked up the side of your face and is sitting back on her heels, trademark, shit-eating grin on her face.

DAVE: you have no idea how disgusting that is   
TEREZI: 4CTU4LLY, 1 DO  
TEREZI: 4ND YOU DON'T 4CTU4LLY M1ND  
TEREZI: YOU JUST L1K3 COMPL41N1NG L1K3 4 B1TCH   
DAVE: ten minutes

You're still trying to explain human boundaries to her. You're half convinced that she understood perfectly the first time and she's just doing her best to annoy you. You're not sure what you were expecting from an alien girlfriend but it wasn't to discover that you don't really mind her batshit alien way of doing things. 

DAVE: later

You give her a wave as you leave the room but she's already got her head back in the game and is carefully stacking the cans to resemble an abattoir. You were hoping for at least a goodbye, especially since you've both joked about the possibility of any parting being your last. In fact, you've already had three partings without goodbyes that have ended up with you dead for a few hours. Terezi had laughed every time, the shit. She denied it, every time, but she’d laughed the hardest the third time when you’d taken an extra hour to wake up; she’d laughed even harder at Karkat, who was convinced you were staying dead. 

You’re close to running down the hall since it’s not exactly the best place to be alone, but you don’t let yourself break into a jog in case you run into anyone who isn’t the clown. Dave Strider doesn’t just go for a jog, it’d be too hard to explain, in no uncertain terms, that you’re not in the mood for another death right now. You’d bounce back, sure, but that’s the one thing no one ever mentions about semi-immortality. You might not die all the way, but it’ll hurt just the same. It’s taken you longer to recuperate from the blunt force trauma than the death itself. 

You hit the transportalizer at what would be considered Olympic-standard walking pace. That’s not jogging, you’ve got the ‘one foot on the ground at all times’ bs happening, ain’t no one going to say that you’re running. 

You arrive in the common room to find Karkat sitting on the couch. You can see the top of his head over the back of it, and instead of going around you swing one leg up and over, then the other, and settle yourself on the back.

DAVE: so  
DAVE: whats up

You look around to see what he’s doing that’s so important, but all you can see is a rerun of the same troll romcom you’ve already seen him watch twice. You have no idea how he watches these things so religiously. 

DAVE: are you really just sitting on your ass in here bro  
DAVE: why couldnt you come to can town   
KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU IGNORANT SHIT, I DIDN’T WANT TO.   
DAVE: sure okay   
KARKAT: I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT EARTH BROS.   
DAVE: okay shoot  
DAVE: not literally  
DAVE: earth bros dont actually shoot earth bros in the chest  
DAVE: unless its consensual  
DAVE: for the purposes of entertainment   
KARKAT: WHAT?   
DAVE: next strife dont kill me you asshat   
KARKAT: OH. I NEED CLARIFICATION ON THE SUBJECT.   
DAVE: what subject  
DAVE: were earth bros man  
DAVE: we established that  
DAVE: we fistbumped and everything  
DAVE: fistbumps are a binding bro contract   
KARKAT: NO I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU FUCKUGLY DOUCHEBAG.

He looks confused, or as confused as you’ve ever seen him. You figure that it’s got to be genuine confusion because he doesn’t usually drag you away from your alien girlfriend unless its a good reason. Although, he didn’t even bother to ask if you were with Terezi this time, he’s just shouted at you online and you realise that maybe you are a complete idiot because you came. 

DAVE: so shoot  
DAVE: figuratively   
KARKAT: I NEED MORE EXPOSITION ON YOUR HUMAN RELATIONSHIP TERMINOLOGY.   
DAVE: dude you need to stop watching these movies  
DAVE: theyre not good for you   
KARKAT: NOT THOSE KINDS OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS.  
KARKAT: I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW WE ARE BROS IF I AM NOT YOUR HUMAN ECTOSIBLING.  
KARKAT: AND HOW IS OUR BROHOOD DIFFERENT FROM THAT WITH THE ONE YOU CALL ‘MY BRO’?   
DAVE: wait slow down  
DAVE: what the shit are you talking about   
KARKAT: AM I CORRECT IN ASSUMING THERE ARE THREE DIFFERENT WAYS ON EARTH IN WHICH TWO PEOPLE CAN BE BROS?   
DAVE: uh yeah  
DAVE: i guess thats right  
DAVE: maybe   
KARKAT: WELL IF IT’S NOT RIGHT THEN FUCKING EXPLAIN THIS HOOFBEAST MANURE SO I CAN STOP TRYING TO WORK IT OUT.   
DAVE: wait are you asking for my help   
KARKAT: YES.   
DAVE: why me   
KARKAT: BECAUSE WE’RE BROS, BUT I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS SHIT EVEN MEANS. 

You sigh. Only a little, and not dramatically, but just enough to make it clear that this is not how you’d like to be spending your time. 

DAVE: okay  
DAVE: shit this is hard to explain  
DAVE: you have no idea  
DAVE: let me think   
KARKAT: GET ON WITH IT.   
DAVE: okay  
DAVE: three kinds of bros  
DAVE: were bros  
DAVE: thats just normal  
DAVE: like friends  
DAVE: i guess  
DAVE: like how youre friends with kanaya  
DAVE: you like her  
DAVE: but just to hang out with  
DAVE: you dont want to have freaky alien sex with her  
DAVE: but i dunno  
DAVE: its kind of like that  
DAVE: what were doing now  
DAVE: thats being bros  
DAVE: everything we do is what bros do   
KARKAT: SO EARTH BROS SPEND MULTIPLE PERIGEES WATCHING MOVIES, GETTING INTO PHYSICAL ALTERCATIONS, AND TALK ABSOLUTE HOOFBEAST MANURE FOR COUNTLESS HOURS?   
DAVE: yeah pretty much   
KARKAT: OKAY.   
DAVE: yeah so the second kind is a brother  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: earth sibling  
DAVE: like rose  
DAVE: were blood  
DAVE: but shes my sister because shes a girl  
DAVE: if she was a guy shed be my brother   
KARKAT: THAT’S A LOAD OF FUCKASSERY.   
DAVE: dude youve got to accept that human earth blood siblings are a thing   
KARKAT: I ACCEPT IT  
KARKAT: BUT I STILL COULDN’T GIVE ANY LESS FUCKS ABOUT THE CONCEPT   
DAVE: okay so thats the difference  
DAVE: we done here  
DAVE: gotta get back to can town  
DAVE: shits going down

You swing one leg back over the couch and make to leave, but you can still feel Karkat glaring at you. You’re not in the mood for any more explaining today. You figured that he’d get the point but he hasn’t, and he’s still waiting. Impatiently, too, from the look on his face. 

KARKAT: WHAT’S THE THIRD KIND?   
DAVE: i gotta go man   
KARKAT: STRIDER.   
DAVE: not now   
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM NOW?   
DAVE: can town needs me  
DAVE: ill be there all afternoon   
KARKAT: ALL WHAT?   
DAVE: vantas  
DAVE: im going to be blunt  
DAVE: this has been the worst eight minutes and forty two seconds on this meteor so far

You leave it at that, and swing the other leg over and jump down from the back of the couch. You know that you look like a complete dickhead because of the swoosh of your cape, and the whirring of the transportalizer only makes it worse. You appear back in the empty hallway, and break into a run. You’re not hanging out in the dark any longer than you have to. 

Can Town is exactly how you left it, and even though it’s been less than twenty minutes since you were there, it feels like longer. You never thought you’d be so happy to see a teenage alien scrawling attentively on the walls with chalk. You’ve got no idea what she’s trying to draw now, but there’s a lot of blood. You get the feeling it’s a pile of hoofbeasts that have already been processed through the new slaughterhouse, but you’re not going to ask. 

You return to you place to the far west of Can Town and sit, leaning back on your arms. Terezi looks away from her drawing long enough to give you a smile, all sharp teeth and genuine satisfaction in her work. You feel your iphone vibrate in your pocket, and you reluctantly take it out. 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: I’M ASSUMING THAT THIS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH ONE OF THOSE HUMAN EMOTIONS THAT GOES BEYOND FRIENDSHIP.   
TG: yeah  
TG: sorry  
TG: too soon  
TG: ask again in six months   
CG: HOW FUCKING LONG IS THAT?   
TG: ask rose  
TG: later bro

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased being trolled by carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

**Author's Note:**

> Lyra here, I didn't actually write any of this, it was all Orange's doing, I just fixed her formatting for her.


End file.
